That is what inspired me to help out the readers. So, here is an interesting list of questions with their answers, that will help you get the basic knowledge about psychology. PsycholoGenie Staff Last Updated: Jan 24, Psychology is the science of the mind.
Are you a relationship saboteur? Posted on 04 November Do you put up roadblocks to your happiness in relationship?
If you do, you are not alone. There are many people who unknowingly sabotage their relationships because they fear being engulfed, controlled or rejected by their romantic partner.
Is this a sign that we are not right for each other? There are surely some people who are not right for each other. But, I find more often that arguments and strife in the first months of a relationship are more about establishing parameters for the partnership.
These parameters help to strengthen the relationship and work for the good of both parties. Take Jackie and Nick for example. When single, it was common for Nick to hang out with his friends several nights a week and well in the morning hours. Jackie was uncomfortable with this.
To establish a secure, trustworthy relationship bond, you have to loosen your boundaries and merge identities and lifestyles with the other partner, while keeping your own identity. This can stress out even the most secure amongst you.
The merging process is not easy. Now, to get the love you want, you have to relax your boundaries enough to integrate the identity and needs of your partner. Now, a relationship identity is born. Relaxing our boundaries enough to be able to form a relationship identity with our partner is never easy.
It feels in direct opposition to what you have been trying to achieve independently thus far. Some of us are more ready than others to do this. Some of you may have been hurt in the past; that makes you shrink back from the developmental tasks involved in making a relationship thrive.
Defensively, you may have built a lifestyle where you learned to rely solely on yourself to meet your needs and desires.
The hurt you feel may have stemmed from childhood or from experiences with past lovers. If so, closeness involved being abandoned, engulfed, controlled or rejected by someone with whom you put your safety and trust.
You can see why these fears run deep; namely, because they involve a potential loss of self. In your darkest moments, you imagine your mate taking away you freedom or hurting you in some way.
Your more insecure moments involve imagining what he or she will do to you. The fear gets so intense that it has to be released. And, it does, but through what I call relationship unfriendly behaviors that temporarily reduce your fears, but also sabotage closeness.
You can now quit the relationship or leave, you say to yourself. The real problem is you. You really fear that you are not strong enough to tolerate the tensions of intimate relating—and my goodness, there are many.
There is the tension of having to merge together to form a strong relationship identity. You have to trust that you can assert your views, needs and preferences while still respecting those of your lover. You have to continue to fulfill your desires and passions in the context of the relationship unit.
Additionally, there are tensions of integrating family and friends into the relationship dyad without weakening it or demolishing its structure.
Need I say more? No wonder you are afraid. You have a whole lot of new experiences and learning going on here. It seems like the roadblocks that you put up to mask your true fear would be easy to spot and resolve, but they are not. We humans are oh so creative in conjuring up defensive maneuvers to prevent from happening what we most fear—namely, to lose ourselves in relationship.The words were selected by analyzing more than , words from hundreds of conversations.
The only words to make it into the list were those that were also found in the BNC top 3,, The COCA 5,, and the Longman 3, Study 58 vocabulary words flashcards on StudyBlue.
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